


One Flew Over the Cherry Tree

by savvyliterate



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Comedy, F/M, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-17
Updated: 2012-10-17
Packaged: 2017-11-16 13:08:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,314
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/539766
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/savvyliterate/pseuds/savvyliterate
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>On the Planet of the Ice Cream Shops, the Doctor's lack of not knowing certain idioms comes back to haunt him in the form of his wife and his latest companion -- spoilers if you don't know the identity of the new companion yet.</p>
            </blockquote>





	One Flew Over the Cherry Tree

**Author's Note:**

  * For [mygalfriday (BrinneyFriday)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BrinneyFriday/gifts).



> Happy birthday, Pam! I took the idea from the imagineyourotp prompt "imagine your otp sharing an ice cream sundae and playfully fighting for the cherry." Well, it wound up evolving into this.

Plant of the ice cream shops. It meant that there was a store that had to have the best ice cream sundae in the universe. This was just a fact. Well, it was a fact according to the Doctor.

“Which means it’s not scientifically proven at all,” River said as she and Clara followed him into a brown stucco shop, where the walls were made of toffee and the tables were flash-frozen sheets of chocolate molded into usable items. “ _The Hitchhiker’s Guide_ said …”

“Rubbish! Why would you even pay attention to that? Half the things in there aren’t even true. I know, I fed them to him.” The Doctor ignored River’s snort and strode to the counter. “Now, are you two going to help me sample every ice cream sundae on the planet, or will I have to do it myself?”

“Maybe I don’t like chocolate,” Clara said. 

He whirled around, limbs flying everywhere and nearly knocking containers of napkins off the counter. “How can you not like chocolate?”

“Maybe I’m a caramel girl. You don’t really know. All that whipped cream, it's kind of gross. And the cherry on top tastes horrid. Plus, you don’t need all that ice cream. You’re tugging on your waistcoat as is. Could stand to lose a few pounds, I bet. Is that all what you do in space? Eat hideous amounts of food?”

“Right, I’m ignoring you. River!” The Doctor spun to River, who had her eyes cast to the ceiling and was fighting a losing battle against laughter.

“Sweetie, we can’t devour every sundae on the planet. We wouldn’t begin to fit in the TARDIS doors, and I am not using the vortex manipulator as a shortcut. Time Lord genes does not equal magic metabolism. We’ll share a sundae.”

“I’m ignoring you, too. You two share a sundae. An invisible sundae since you don’t actually want to enjoy anything. I’m getting my own.”

“I said I don’t even want one,” Clara insisted. “Can’t I just get an ice cream cone or something normal?”

The Doctor glared at her. “You don’t come to the Planet of the Ice Cream Shops to get a generic ice cream cone. That’s just boring. Why don’t you at least get a cone made of clouds? It tastes like nothing!”

“And disintegrates within five seconds of touching it because only certain species with a low core body temperature – like a full-blooded Time Lord – can handle it. Doctor, she’s going to wind up with ice cream all over her if you do that.”

“At least someone’s on my side,” Clara muttered.

River leaned around the Doctor and murmured a suggestion in Clara’s ear. A few moments later, the girl had ordered vanilla ice cream with bits of toffee and chocolate nestled into a waffle bowl. Before the Doctor could order, River ordered the largest ice cream sundae in the store. “We’ll share,” she repeated. 

“Well,” he said, straightening his waistcoat. Maybe it was a little snug. “Fine, we'll share.”

It was loaded with mounds of whipped cream, bananas, chocolate and caramel (River vetoed the strawberry sauce), no nuts (the Doctor didn’t like the ones on this planet), and lots and lots and lots of sprinkles. A single cherry perched atop it like a crown. It took two servers to haul it to their table. Clara took one look, declared not to know the Doctor, and moved to the other side of the store.

“You’ll get whipped cream on me,” she called out. “You two get it on each other. Just let me get a 15 minute head start back to the TARDIS when one of you starts licking it off the other.”

The Doctor poked a finger into the whipped cream, swirled it, and pulled out a sample. “Please, Clara, we are not going to do that.”

Without saying a word, River pulled the Doctor’s hand toward her and proceeded to lick the cream off his finger. He promptly turned the shade of the cherry. She let his finger go with an audible _pop_ and smiled at him. “You were saying, my love?”

“Uh … right. Well … um … ok … ice cream!” The Doctor scooted so the table shielded his lower body. The move was not lost on River or Clara. They burst out laughing.

They dug in, the Doctor eating the majority of the sundae monstrosity. When enough whipped cream was consumed that Clara decided it wasn’t an affront to her sensibilities, she rejoined them and tried some of it herself. After 45 minutes and two dozen napkins, only the cherry remained.

The Doctor and River reached for it at the same time.

“Oh, this will be good,” Clara said.

“I ate most of it, it’s my cherry!” The Doctor insisted.

“You’ve already taken one cherry from me,” River said with a wink and scooped it up. 

He frowned. “When did I take your cherry? I haven’t taken any sort of cherry from you!”

“Oh my god.” Clara slapped a hand against her forehead.

The Doctor’s gaze shifted from River to Clara, then back to River before finally settling on Clara. He held up a finger. “Right. Doctor very lost here. When did I ever steal River’s cherry?”

Half the patrons – all the human ones – turned to glare at the Doctor. Both women burst out laughing. 

“No, no, I’m serious! When did I take your cherry? You’re the one with diary, you've got it written down in there. You have everything written down in there, designed to come back and haunt me at the worst times. Until you tell me, that cherry is mine. Compulsory purchase!”

“I don't think it works like that,” Clara managed between peals of laughter.

The Doctor stole the cherry off River’s spoon and popped it into his mouth before either of them could object. “Well,” River said cheerfully, “that’s two cherries you’ve stolen from me. Well, popped is more adequate term for the first one. Come on, Clara. We best get back before he figures it out. Bless.” She kissed the Doctor's cheek and slid off her stool.

“So does it work like that with Time Lords?” Clara asked as they left the Doctor behind, grumbling over the entire exchange. 

“Yes. When you regenerate, it resets everything.” Laughing, they headed back to the TARDIS.

The Doctor glared at them until they were out of sight. “Right,” he muttered and looked at the busboy that had come to clear their plates. “Got a question. What does it mean to take someone’s cherry?”

The busboy merely stared at him.

The Doctor arrived at the TARDIS approximately 23 minutes later, and his face was as purple as his waistcoat. “You did that on purpose!” he yelled. 

“Maybe,” River said, and she and Clara burst into laughter again.

“Fine. Back to Stormcage for you, my dear wife, and Clara, I’m sentencing you to …” The TARDIS lurched into action, taking them into the vortex. The Doctor whirled around to see River at the console. “What are you doing?”

“I programmed our next destination, sweetie.”

“Does it involve a long walk off a short pier?”

“We went swimming yesterday.” River smiled calmly. “Don’t worry, my love, it won’t take us long to get there.”

He moved into her personal space and had about 16 different ideas on how to wipe the smirk from her face, none of them appropriate in front of Clara. “How was I to know every human slang for that particular act? It was mortifying enough as is.”

“Oh, I’m sure River was quite gentle,” Clara said, tongue in cheek, as the TARDIS settled at its next location.

“Now, that’s just enough from you both.” He whirled; coat billowing theatrically around him as he stalked to the door, yanked it open and took two steps out. “ _River!_ ”

“What, sweetie? I thought you’d always wanted to visit the Planet of the Cherry Trees.”


End file.
